The saddest day ever...

Rowan is 15 weeks old today and it is his first day with Melyssa, our nanny. I've been a basket case for over 24 hours now, since the anticipation of leaving him was too much to cope with. However, things went as smoothly as they could go this morning when I left. Rowan was in a great mood and I left him with George, which I think was a lot better for me than leaving him with the nanny. I think George can handle leaving him with Melyssa better than I can right now. Don't get me wrong, I like Melyssa a lot and my brain knows that she is a wonderfully competent and compassionate person. The horrible feeling of dread and panic comes from some place much deeper and much, much less rational. This has to get better. Everyone says it does but it's hard to believe them right now. My boss came into my office today and asked how I was holding up. In a failed attempt not to cry in front of her, I said I was OK. She said "Remember, he won't remember this. It's much harder on you than it is on him right now." That makes me feel a little better. I'm still getting out of here early. Must cuddle with my baby!